I Dont Deserve You

I don't deserve you. You're the right guy, but we always find each other at the wrong time. I'm not ready for you to be here. You're the guy who keeps me up and puts me down. Fills my sleep and wakeful hours. I've imagined this day so many times in random spurts but never complete scenes or places or dreams. But it was always you. Even when I didn't know. It was always you. Always the good guy who answered when I called and reached out when I didn't. Who made speech easy and walking nowhere specific fun. The guy who welcomed trips down memory lane. Who laughed at my faults and said they were cute. Who volunteered time meant for things men do that I'd never understand. The guy who chose cuddle night and movie dates over trips with the guys and all night binging. You watched as that other guy tried to break me. When I rallied too fast and repeated old habits. I've never heard you mumble anything closely resembling those words we say when we know we're right. You let me live and learn and grow. All the while it was you. Just patiently waiting for wrongs to be made right, for broken hearts to heal, for tears over spilled milk to fade. For me to be strong, to finally have enough bad days and enough bad guys and enough fallouts from bad decisions. For my eyes to see you for who you are and always have been. In this moment. In this time. The right time, for the right guy. And you've loved me for days spent alone doing absolutely nothing but being friends and moments only we can relive and recreate. For secrets only we know and inside jokes we wear on our sleeves. We have a song we both sway to and a dance we go to. But I don't deserve you. Because I bring my problems to you. Complain about my failed loves and back stabbing friends. I've burdened you with my heartache and tears, losses and failures. And watched you carry it all and still not see… it was always you. But I made excuses and always denied the time and you being mine even though you've always been mine. You hold no grudges. You forgive and forget. You want the best for me. You are the best of me. Yet, I don't deserve you. Because with all my intelligence and swag I've been too blind and selfish. But you don't even care. You say what was before you was before you. That you love me for who I am today. And you friend and love and guide and protect and hold dear to you all things dear to me. I can do no wrong in your eyes. I’m alive in your arms and caught up in your wrath. I don't deserve you, but I love you. And I always have. Maybe my fear had the best of me but I now know you are what’s best for me. I can't imagine life without you. You're the right guy for me and it seems we've finally found each other at the right time. And I still don't deserve you, but I'm going to spend the rest of my life earning you.