I Return to You

I’m not sure you even like me. Maybe more like infatuated with the idea that everyone else does. I amuse you. You envy me for a potential I’ll never see in myself. You store me away when the world holds your attention. Remembered only when boredom creeps in. Dare my eyes stray or my heart be open to others. I’m flooded with petty mischief that I don’t find humorous. Unwarranted pain, unnecessary confusion. You blur lines and cross barriers meant to protect us both. Fear the dangerous repercussions of slighting you I keep you on my side. Many moments ago I’ve gone. But I’ve always returned. Full of resentment I hang on. My loyalty to you worth more than my own self respect. My sanity so entwined in my desperation to be good with you. Never wanting to be let go of so badly. Never wanting to be held onto so tightly. I come back to you. I always come back to you. Dismissing red signs. Glaring evidence I’m somewhere I don’t belong. Excusing excuses that make no sense at all. Too tired to fight over validity and truth. In search of a good space to reside in. I move on. But I burn out here with no shadow to hide in. No stone to lean on. No you to guide me. Going backwards is not an option. Moving on without you was never my choice. But no search parties will seek me out. You’ve no need to follow me. Even though you need me, you’ll patiently sit and await my return. I am free now. No thumbs to hold me down. No masters to pull my strings. But I will return to you. Free from you, I am not really free of you. I find the door open to me. There are no secrets between us. No locks or keys to keep me in place. You know my heart and the war that wages within. And you know I’ll return to you. No matter what you do you know I’ll never wander too far for too long. It’s you who knows I am everything without you. It’s me who believes I am nothing unless I am near you. And so I head meekly towards a home that will never be mine. A shelter that will never be safe. A life that will always belong to someone else. And I return to you. I always do.