Addicted

I've been hooked from the first time. That first hit has changed me in ways I cannot explain in mere words. I've tried to replicate the way you make me feel. Trying new things with new people. But nothing has come close. Your touch, smell, the unique way you use words. All wrong and shit. But it works. Because it's you. I've tried quitting but the cravings pull me back in each time I'm close to forgetting you. You make me sick. We swear each time will be the last, but it's like I can never have my fill. I think I'm satisfied, you leave, I'm empty, I crave, I call, you come, we do it again, but it's never the same and it's never enough. With each hit I crave you more and more and more and more. You're never even here when I need you. When I want you. But then I see others. They kiss and hug and make small talk. Use nicknames only they know the meanings of. Look deep into each other's eyes for longer than natural lengths of time. And I'm done. That's all it takes to trigger this need to get high on you. Thoughts of giving you up fade from my mind and I'm back at it again. You're such an expensive habit. I steal time from other areas of my life. Putting my friends and family on hold. Even risking my job. I'm so focused on you I can't get a thing done. At least not on time and almost never correctly. I've been so unsuccessful with these repeated attempts at knocking this habit that is you. I desperately need rehab, but you're not there. I spend so much time obsessing over you. It's embarrassing. I often think they know. Everyone with me when I'm with them but thinking of you. When I'm surrounded by nothing but pleasurable things but can't seem to get rid of that itch. That intense pulsing between my legs. The feeling of your lips on my lips. The sensation of you breathing on me. That way you trace the skin on my neck, gently gliding your hands along the curve of my back and hips. Your kisses across my shoulder blades. The weight of your body on top of me. I drink to ease the withdrawal I have. It just makes me want you more. I've traded habit for habit, but it's never the same. I know you'll be the thing that does me in. I'll lose everything and everyone and I know it. But I've been hooked since the very first time. From the very first taste. And I just can't seem to give you up.